STOP

Going into the visit last week (approximately 10 weeks since initial activation), I felt so much internal pressure on myself to hear and understand these words.  I wanted desperately to increase this score.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and concentrated as intently as possible.  I felt like I was back in graduate school having test anxiety.  As the list progressed and I knew that I was missing some of the words, my mind immediately shifted to negative thoughts and I would continue to miss.  I could feel the disappointment wash over me when I was told that my score was the same as it was 6 weeks ago. 

ONE WORD.  No one in the world functionally talks using one, random monosyllabic words, unless you are yelling STOP.  I needed to yell STOP to myself and reframe and reflect.  After this appointment, I did quite a bit of reflection about where I was and where I am now.  I am thankful that before I got the cochlear implant, I had written down my own personal struggles and interviewed those closest to me about what situations they saw me having difficulty communicating.  This gave me a springboard to STOP, circle back and reframe and reflect on my pre-cochlear implant communication struggles and evaluate functionally how I perceived myself 10 weeks post cochlear implant.  I was also able to ask my closest family and friends to share if they noticed any functional listening changes.

Personally, I have noticed a huge positive functional change since getting the cochlear implant.  The beeps, chirps, whistles, and computerized speech of others has been transformed to clearer sounding speech.  I feel that my brain has integrated 2 different signals (acoustic and electronic) together and I perceive what I hear as “normal”.  Below I am excited to share my STOP reflections!! 

BEFORE CI: Looking down to take a bite to eat while trying to hear someone was impossible. NOW with CI:  I am able to look down at my food and still hear what someone is saying across the table from me

BEFORE CI:  Could not carry on a conversation with someone in the car while I was driving for long periods of time.   NOW with CI:  Drove to Columbus and back and had an engaging conversation with a colleague.

BEFORE CI:  My colleagues could not talk to me through speaker phone (car). NOW with CI:  My colleagues report they are now using speaker phone (car) and I can carry on a conversation.

BEFORE CI:  My husband (who does mumble) had to repeat himself quite often.  NOW with CI:  My husband (who still mumbles) reports that he does not have to repeat himself very often.

BEFORE CI:  When walking, I would have to try to look at the person the whole time. NOW with CI:  I can look ahead at times and still carry on a conversation.

BEFORE CI:  Not able to listen to a podcast or audiobooks in the car. NOW with CI:  Enjoying my drive time with engaging audio books.

BEFORE CI:  Took a lot of energy to hear and understand. NOW with CI:  I feel less tired and it take less effort to hear and understand.

BEFORE CI:  Could not hear what my daughter and her friends would say to me in the car.  NOW with CI:  I am able to overhear some of the conversations in the car.                            

What do you need to yell STOP about in order to reflect in your own life?  I will continue to use the monosyllabic “STOP” test as one benchmark for my progress.  Most importantly, as I continue this amazing cochlear implant journey, I am going to remember to functionally STOP and reflect about my continuous progress as I discover new strengths each day.